Disaffected Leftist Relocation Fund

Let’s face it leftists, collectivists, Marxists, and all manner of socialist minded folks just don’t like it here. They don’t like my favorite form of government a classical constitutional democratic republic. They don’t like market capitalism. They find the United States Constitution so constraining that they want to turn it into an endlessly changing “living” document, i.e. a scrap of paper with no real meaning. They want to march everyone in this nation off to their wonderful utopian dream under the control of one or more of their philosopher kings. How dismal would that be?

I have a better idea. Rather than continually trying to change this nation into their idea of a socialist utopia they should just move to some place in the eastern hemisphere. There are lots of places to choose from and I am sure they all could find a nice country with a socialist ambiance much more to their liking than the USA. Why suggest the eastern hemisphere? Well, I don’t want to make it too easy for them to sneak back over the border with the other illegal immigrants.

Why don’t they just pick up and move then? Well, maybe they need a nudge. How about a financial incentive from those of us who like all the things they hate.

To that end I suggest that we establish the “Disaffected Leftist Relocation Fund”. I know it will cost us money and it seems like bribery or protection money but think about it for a moment.

We could avoid endless political battles over trillion dollar stimulus packages, bailouts and other government largess. We could reestablish a real constitutional republic. We could have a reasonable tax system, a stable dollar, and an end to leftist politicians and bureaucrats constantly undermining the Constitution, the dollar, and the economic structure of the country.

We could attract talented folks from other countries that think a democratic republic and economic freedom are capital (pun intended) ideas. California would become the Golden State again. Massachusetts would be the Bay State again instead of Taxachusetts. I could stop calling this state the People’s Republic of Minnesota. Last but not least we could avoid any nasty stuff like armed conflict.

In the end I am guessing it would save us trillions. Isn’t it worth an annual contribution to this fund to get that result? Isn’t it an attractive nonviolent market oriented way to solve our intractable political differences with these fools, oops I mean folks?

How would it work? I propose that we establish the fund as a nonprofit organization and solicit donations. Maybe some folks at Cato, Heritage, or Hoover could help us with the legal stuff and paper work and we could hire a good PR firm to create some snappy ads that your typical leftist just couldn’t resist.

The rules? Well each disaffected leftist would have to sign a document in triplicate renouncing his or her citizenship and agreeing to leave this country and hemisphere permanently. They would have to agree to a photo, fingerprints, and DNA sample and their information would go into the Disaffected Leftist Database (DLD) so a new and highly effective United States Border Patrol could at least keep them out of this country if not out of the hemisphere. I am sure we could develop some incentives for other countries on this half of the planet to refuse them entry and perhaps even get rid of their own leftists.

In consideration for this renunciation of citizenship and immediate departure for the east each leftist would get the following:

• A ticket to any country in the eastern hemisphere that would permit them entry.
  
• A tax free $100,000 dollars in cash or in some other major currency like Euros, Yen, etc.
  
• A tax free $25,000 moving expense allowance to transport their belongings like copies of Mao’s little red book and Marx’s Das Kapital. If they want to settle in the Middle East, we could supply them a complementary copy of the Quran which they will need for acculturation and Mein Kampf a very popular western book in places like Syria, Iran, and Saudi Arabia.
  
• A tax free cash settlement for any real estate they own in this hemisphere equal to the average of the appraisal amounts of three independent appraisers. They could keep their assets like securities and private pensions but would have to give up Social Security and Medicare. But I am sure they would be more than happy with the “free” medical care and vast array of social programs in their new socialist digs.

What if they have underage kids? They can take them along or leave them with relatives. That might be too bad for the kids but you know you can’t solve every problem.

Too generous? Maybe but after about 20% are gone the rest might panic and we could reduce the price. And when 50% are gone just think how much more pleasant life would start to be here in the USA! Now, 20% of say 10,000,000 hard core leftists is 2,000,000 so not counting real estate purchases that would be $250 billion. But as we got rid of more and more leftists our taxes would go down and our economy would markedly improve so some of that real estate could be sold off to defray the cost of the program.

Of course there would be some rich folks like Barbra Streisand and George Soros that wouldn’t take the bait but as time wore on they would become afraid of being left behind with a bunch of rabid conservatives and libertarians. The pressure would cause them to bail eventually.

The big issue would be getting donors and getting a law for tax free payouts. But maybe if we showed some headway in eliminating leftists we could eventually get say 50 million folks with an average donation of $6000 per year. That would be $300 billion per year not counting investment income and real estate sales. We would need some wealthy conservatives and libertarians to help with a sizable chunk of startup money and a commitment to a sizable annual donation.

Now I know there might be some legal and logistical problems with this but hey, you have to think outside of the box!

I just had another out of the box thought. I know they are understandably attached to their little piece of desert for religious, cultural, and historic reasons but maybe a lot of non socialist Israelis might want to trade places with our disaffected leftists.

I know Israelis had a socialist bent for a time but I read a few years ago that they were becoming disenchanted with the whole idea. That could solve much of our Middle East problem. And it would be another selling point since leftists here so desperately want to help the Palestinians. Maybe each disaffected leftist would want to share some of their $100K stipend with a new Palestinian friend. I think that would be just precious don’t you?